


I have issues, but you are just as bad

by Apocalypse_the_Abysswalker



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Incest, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Just characters fantasizing about strange things, Light Bondage, M/M, Painful Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rough Sex, Smut, Unrequited Love, You can probably guess who are these two thinking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Apocalypse_the_Abysswalker/pseuds/Apocalypse_the_Abysswalker
Summary: Hisoka and Illumi share a moment in a hotel room, but each of them is thinking about someone else.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 36
Kudos: 73





	I have issues, but you are just as bad

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason, I had to write something strange, wierd, and wrong that may make people uncomfortable. I have no idea where this came from. Sorry.

Every once in a while, they meet in secret.

There’s no romance in these meetings, no kissing.

They tear off each other’s clothes without care. Bites and scratches begin to cover their skin.

They are both in love, but not with each other.

For both of them, their true love is twisted and wrong, and must forever stay unrequited. Similar, yet different. It’s hard to tell which of them is worse.

They stumble to a cheap hotel bed, Hisoka falling on top of Illumi. For a moment they’re just pressing against each other, feeling the heat radiating from their naked skin.

Both of them have closed their eyes.

They try to imagine the person they actually want in place of the other, but it’s almost impossible, they’re built way too different than the objects of their desires.

Still, they take what they can offer to each other, no matter how little satisfaction they get from it, no matter how far it’s from being enough.

They don’t want to be facing each other, that would mean too much closeness and intimacy. Illumi turns around so he is on his knees, and his hands get tied behind his back by Hisoka’s bungee gum.

He’s not complaining, barely even registering it, lost in his thoughts.

His face is hidden in a pillow, so every breath is hard to draw, but he’s glad that the pillow muffles the sounds that are escaping him.

Hisoka wastes no time preparing Illumi, knowing how high his pain tolerance is. Skipping the fingering, he presses his hard, leaking erection right into Illumi’s unprepared hole.

Illumi makes small sounds of discomfort as he’s stretched much more than would be comfortable.

Hisoka moans at the tightness, moving in and out right away without giving the other any time to adjust.

If it was anyone else, he’d probably be in unbearable pain, but Illumi is used to such treatment, and he takes it so well.

He welcomes the pain of the harsh treatment, loves the bruises that blossom under Hisoka’s fingertips that dig into his hips.

In fact, he wants more of it, enough to wipe away the sinful images that flood his mind. But not even Hisoka can give him enough pain for his mind to go blank.

„ _Harder,”_ he moans, and then he says something else into the pillow.

It’s a name.

It’s not Hisoka’s name.

„ _Killua,_ “ he moans and prays that the other male didn’t hear it.

Hisoka is lost in a haze of pleasure, his eyes closed, but he heard it.

He knows Illumi. The assassin tries to look all emotionless and empty, but at moments, his perfect facade cracks, and hints of feelings are showing.

And Hisoka knows Illumi’s feelings just like he knows his own.

If he opened his eyes, he would see perfect beauty under him, long hair splayed around his head, body strong and well built, skin light like porcelain.

If he didn’t have an image of someone else in his mind, he would have been stunned by this beauty for sure.

But this is not what he wants, it’s what neither of them wants, even though it’s all they can get.

Hisoka is shameless and far too consumed by lust to care about the other male’s feelings, and he unabashedly moans the name of someone else.

„Gon, oooooh Gon,” he moans as he fucks Illumi harder, trying to imagine a smaller, leaner body under him. It’s not easy but he’s getting overcome by a haze of lust and pleasure, so he’s enjoying it anyway.

Illumi growls under him. „ _You… fucking… shameless… bastard,”_ he manages to say with small, ragged breaths he takes. He’s not mad that Hisoka is thinking about someone else while fucking him. It’s the shamelessness of openly moaning someone else’s name that makes him angry.

He knows better than to have his feelings hurt by being used like this, as a substitution, as if he was just a worthless thing for Hisoka to use. After all, he’s similarly using Hisoka.

It’s better to have _something,_ no matter how wrong it feels, no matter how far it is from what they want.

None of them is too troubled by the messy moments they share. They have unspoken rules. Always stealing moments alone, always using each other’s bodies for whatever pleasure they can offer to each other, but never anything more, never the actual comfort they both desperately need.

Hisoka threads his fingers through Illumi’s hair and tugs hard, lifting him off the pillow.

„I want to hear you,” he says and Illumi tries his best to stay silent, but ultimately fails because he was never trained to resist _these kinds of things._

He bites his lips, choking back moans. His eyes are full of tears that will never be shed because he can’t cry no matter what.

„It’s okay, you can say his name too,” says Hisoka, always so cold but still somewhat moved by Illumi’s obvious loneliness and emotional suffering.

„ _I… I can’t,”_ Illumi whispers, and his body trembles. If he didn’t know better, Hisoka would think he started sobbing. But he knows he never does that.

Illumi is lost in his head, torn between the blinding pleasure rocking through his body, and the shame and disgust he feels because of the fantasies flooding his mind.

Images of Killua smiling, laughing, undressing, not knowing that Illumi is watching him.

No matter what he does or who he fucks, he can never get Killua out of his head. _That’s your fucking brother you are thinking about,_ says the voice at the back of his mind.

„ _I’m disgusting,”_ he says, and wonders why did he say that aloud.

„We’re the same,” says Hisoka and pulls him closer to bite his neck.

„Don’t hate yourself. You know better than that,” he whispers into Illumi’s ear but knowing it won’t be of any use. Illumi is probably way past saving, broken beyond repair.

Luckily, Hisoka doesn’t mind playing with broken toys.

Illumi distantly wonders if these moments are doing him more damage than good.

Maybe solitude would be a better option.

But at this point, he’ll take _anything_ that would keep his mind off his obsession with his little brother.

For many years, Illumi thought he was perfect and cold and heartless, just like they trained him. But deep down he knew that wasn’t true.

The only feelings Illumi has left are his feelings for Killua. The twisted love he tried many times to cut out of his heart but always failed. Other than that, his heart is a black, bottomless abyss.

„Shut up and just fucking ruin me,” he says with a husky voice and Hisoka happily obeys, throwing him back to the pillow and unbinding Illumi’s arms so he could support himself on them.

Illumi doesn’t though, shaking too much to lift himself on his arms, keeping his head down in the pillow, biting his arm to stop the moans from escaping his lips.

He’s pliant in Hisoka’s arms, his ass gracefully high in the air, back perfectly curved, and he has no idea how beautiful he looks because nobody will ever tell him.

Hisoka’s long nails make deep scratches on Illumi’s back, and he licks the few drops of blood he managed to draw off them, moaning around his own fingers in his mouth.

„I’m close,” he tells Illumi, uncaring if the other male will manage to finish too.

He digs his fingers painfully into his hips, and thrusts deep into the warmth, only lasting a few more seconds before finishing inside.

„Oh fuck, _Gon_ ,” he moans as he orgasms. It’s strong enough to make his vision go white for a few seconds, and when he comes to his senses, he’s collapsed on top of Illumi, suffocating him with his weight.

“ _I wish this was you Gon_ ,” he adds to the previous statement when he recovers enough to speak.

He rolls over and begins to dress. Illumi is unmoving, face still hiding in the pillow.

Hisoka finishes dressing up, and he’s ready to leave, but something stops him.

The assassin’s body is looking so frail and broken.

Hisoka walks back to him, turning him around so he’s lying on his back.

His eyes are disturbing. The black void in them seems even blacker and emptier than is usual.

His still-hard erection is revealed, meaning he didn’t get to come during the sex.

Hisoka takes pity on him and kneels, lowering his face to take him into his mouth.

He’s skilled at that, his tongue moving up and down the shaft for a few times before taking him into his mouth slowly until he’s seated deep in his throat.

Illumi moans, and when Hisoka slips three fingers into his loose hole full of come, it’s almost enough for him to lose himself and tip over the edge right then.

Hisoka moves his fingers skillfully, mouth moving up and down, getting Illumi closer every second.

Illumi’s eyes are closed, and he imagines a different mouth around his cock, thinks about soft white hair and big blue eyes.

„Nngh, I’m… I’m… oh fuck, _Killua, I-…”_ he comes _hard,_ as he always does when thinking about Killua. His eyes are rolled back as he comes in Hisoka’s throat, who is swallowing every drop obediently.

After he recovers, he’s mortified. It’s the first time he said that name aloud with Hisoka. Surely, he will hate him now.

„What, you think I didn’t know? Please, don’t underestimate me like that,” says Hisoka with a smug smile, licking drops of come from his lips.

Illumi’s face is shocked and he’s _blushing._ It’s probably the first time Hisoka saw him blush.

„There’s nothing wrong with fantasies,” he says casually as if that was all there was to it – a fantasy, not an unhealthy, twisted obsession.

Illumi calms down a bit, and for a second, he thinks he may hate himself a bit less.

Hisoka smiles and helps him get up and get dressed.

„We’re so fucked up,” he laughs.

And if they both didn’t love someone else, they would be a perfect match, and they could be happy together forever.


End file.
